12/26/2018

Dear Tiffany,

   At 12pm, Rayden called me during his lunch break to say Chrystanna called him and said you were on life support and have been for a few days now. My brother said "Chrystanna didn't know whether or not to tell you because she didn't know if you were close, but I told her that you guys were talking again. They said it looks like Tiff doesn't have much time, so I really thought you should know. You should go visit her now." I agreed to do just that and hung up the call. I immediately called Nestor crying. He was just waking up (who wakes up that late right?) so he was still out of it. I was crying so hard and had a hard time catching my breath that I kept repeating "Oh my God. I can't breathe."
   When I finally calmed down enough, I told Nestor what Rayden told me. He said he was going to catch a ride to my house so he could comfort me. Less than thirty minutes later, he was at my place while we sat in my car in the garage trying to figure out what to do. I was so desperate to see you, but I had no idea how to get to Queen's. We called multiple people to see if they could bring us, but when they were all busy, I decided to just suck it up and drive there. If today was going to be your last day, I just had to see you.
   At around 1:30pm, I had texted our best friend, Kaimi and told him the situation. As I expected, he was willing to drop everything just to comfort me and to see you. He was the one who got the hospital wing, floor, and room number for me too. Something I could have done this whole time if I wasn't such a wuss to see you before. I spent nearly another hour and a half getting ready and mentally preparing myself. I didn't know who was going to be at the hospital, and I really hated knowing I already had a few people in mind. Still, I wasn't going for them, I was going specifically for you.
   Thank God Nestor's neighbor was willing to drive us all the way over there. I didn't get to the hospital until almost 3pm, and I made the boys walk me to your floor because I knew I was going to get lost. Because I didn't know exactly who was in the waiting room, I told Nestor it was okay to roam the hospital. The first person I saw was Isagani who let me know aside from your aunties, your room was pretty much empty. I also saw your dad and waved hi before best friend came up behind me, and we followed your cousin Michael into your room.
   Kaimi and I stood outside for a few minutes trying to collect ourselves because we didn't know what to expect. Your nurse said we could either come in or go back out, we just couldn't stand by the door. Of course that process to come in was long enough, so we stepped into your room where we stood by the bathroom door. Janiene was standing next to your bed, your relatives were sitting by the window, and Michael had just finished talking to you. They signaled us to go up next, and I didn't hesitate one bit.
   When I saw you, your eyes were half open, yellow, and a bit puffed out. With a very festive Christmas beanie over your head and a tube coming out of your mouth, I was instantly taken back to seeing my grandpa (dad's dad) in the same position as you. You remember the stories I've told you, right? My grandpa was on life support too, and I remember the nurses telling my siblings and I that my grandpa was awake and he could hear us, but he just wouldn't be able to respond. So we were free to say what ever we needed to. That's the first thing that came in my head once I looked at you Tiff.
   I once again felt my heart drop to my stomach knowing this might be the very last time I see you. Still, I had hope you'd pull through like you always do and wanted to save my important words until you were up and running again. I rubbed the top of your head and told you "Hey Tiff, it's Ri. I brought Nestor and Kaimi with me, but it's just Kaimi in the room. I told Nestor to wait for me downstairs. I know I said I was going to visit you all these years, and I didn't do it until now. I'm so sorry it took me this long, but you have to fight okay?" I could feel tears rolling down my face, and I tried to wipe it before it got caught in the mask. Then I laughed saying "You know I hate showing my emotions, and here you are making me cry." Once I was as recovered as anyone could be in that moment, I continued with "You have to keep fighting Tiff, but I understand if you want to give up. You're in pain, and I understand if you want it to stop. So when you're ready to go home, come stop by my house first. My mom and I will be waiting for you. Take care of yourself okay. I love you."
   I stepped back near Kaimi and waited until he said what he needed to you. Your dad and sister came in shortly after, and I was surprised your dad remembered my name. I hugged him and apologized for not coming by the house in a while, then best friend and I left. When we walked back to the waiting room, aside from a few enemies (you already know who lol), I also saw Jordan, Chrystanna, and Malia and stopped to talk to them for a while before heading downstairs to the lobby with Kaimi to meet up with Nestor.
   Before I left the hospital, I felt at ease knowing I said as much as I could to you. Now all we could do was wait for you to either wake up or...you know. I accepted what ever decision YOU wanted to make, and was going to support you no matter what. During the car ride home, I called Cj and even Damian to let them know your position and then Rayden told me he was going to visit you after work. Nestor and I hoped for some kind of miracle to happen because I really wanted you to get better, though like I told you back in the hospital, I understood if you wanted to give up.